Space Brothers Bulletin!!!!! ---- #6 -- May 2001

Been a LONG hiatus in the news because (whimper!) my 007 super-secret contact with the Brothers has BETRAYED me. Well, sort of. Io thinks my brother-in-law and nephews need her 'benign influence' (hoo-hah) more than I do. Says I'm 'enlightened' enough. Really? I haven't noticed...

So she sent me off to an EVIL and FORNICATING land on a Mission from, well, God. Not that it IS a mission from Him (as if he cared), but it has such a whimsical, 80's sort of ring to it. If I said I was on a 'Mission from Space' it would get me *looked at*, ya know. Or, I should say, *looked at more*.

My purgatory was long and eventless, punctuated only by the election of a Forehead as President, selenium accumulation, and countless frozen burritos. I withstood numerous attacks from NIMBY-crazed suburbanites and acne-ravaged meth cookers. I began to revere television and Harry Potter. I even took a job as a security guard.

But at last, while in the terrible throes of temple-slapping boredom, I was contacted! One Dark and (well, not Stormy. No night in the EVIL and FORNICATING land is really all that awful.) as I was 'doing-something-secret' in the parking lot of my Assigned Post (us security people have are own little lingo here, as you will see) I saw a Suspcious Activity. Well, actually, it *appeared* to be a bunny-rabbit, chewing on some of our client's ornamental plantings. But with my newly aquired enlightenment, coupled with the Honed Precision Senses of the Private Security Officer, I was able to see that, yes, it was a bunny-rabbit, eating the damn weeds in the corner of the parking lot. Rats.

Well, I 'investigated', in any case. Much to my surprise, the Susp.. I mean, rabbit, didn't 'evade'; he even introduced himself, in a sort of back-handed way: "Pat, why don't you tell Kim to plant something EDIBLE out here. These damn shrubs are awful! Hard, scratchy... My name's Benny, by the way, plant manager here and your new contact."

I screwed my face up in my best intelligent expression, while attempting to process this last: 'A rabbit is telling me he is managing a motherboard fabrication plant. All automated, give him his due, all he needs to do is chitter at people and push buttons with his nose or something..'

"What's wrong, are you ill or something? I'll admit I didn't expect much, Io certainly didn't describe you very impressively, but your look even worse than I'd imagined." What is it with these guys? Is there some kind of Space Brothers Agent Institute of Mockery and Bitchiness somewhere?

Meanwhile he launched into a very boring, if relatively tactful, diatribe about how I had not been conducting myself as befits one who has been admitted to 'vastness' (huh?). Those damn burritos again, I guess. All this while masticating Mrs. Love's flower bed.

Benny and his tribe are part of a new Brothers project (he explained), SPASM (Strategic Products for the Anti-Stultification of Mankind), and they are infiltrating the various electronics manufacturers around Morgan Hill to introduce Subliminal Geekification/Fnord Visualization code into all of the ROMs. Soon everyone that buys cell phones and computers will be swearing at FOX News and getting into number theory 'really deep'.

He lamented the fact that all the major manufacturers were not represented close by; Gateway, ferinstance. "No big deal, though. Since Michael lost the big foof-raw we've come to realize that anyone who buys one of them must be too far gone already. Probably an AOL user or something."

Now this was news! "You mean <glyph-squiggle>, formerly the artiste formerly known as Prince, has won the title?", I interrupted excitedly. "Don't break out your sequined leotards yet. Being inaugurated for Perfect Beingness is a long, painful process, mainly for us. His second had to be exhumed and reconstituted first, and now that he 'has returned' we are having a real hard time keeping him from performing a coup. He's been pretty pissed off ever since they took Japan away from him, and they really should have substituted something else, like Las Vegas maybe. Look what he did for the Phillipines! Elvis should have pre-empted The General as soon as <glyph-squiggle> started that project, but, well. Hindsight ya know."

Benny also informed me about activities of the DWEAB (Director of Wyrd Education for Aboriginal Beings) so I am 'in the know' once again. Since Voyager is in UPN syndication now the DWEAB has been looking for an effectively brainless way to get Their point across without borrowing too many tactics from the Grays. The current DWEAB (James Cameron, apparently) is going to visit the Brothers IN PERSON in the next year or so, once he's completed his various NASA courses, bribed the suitable congressmen, etc. He also states that he has discovered a painful but effective method of removing the Gray Implant, something calls the 'drowning-that-whiny-Leonardo' method. Has to do with watching some horrible video tape of some kind, over and over until the Gray Operators are driven insane and the implant is burned out by some sort of reverse feedback effect. Not sure what he's talking about here, but then I've been 'vastened' (NOT 'vaselined'. That's something else, also a painful but, unfortunately, INEFFECTIVE means of, well..).

Elvis managed to bail out Gravy, in March last year. Leave it to...

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----- Space Brothers Inc.

----- "Gravity Repulsion And Vastening Ylem" (GRAVY)

-----

-------------------------------------------

The Space Brothers admonish thee all, Aboriginal Earth Beings:


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FILL YOUR SWIMMING POOLS WITH GRAVY!


IMPROVE YOUR COMPLEXION WITH GRAVY PACKS!


GRAVY COMBATS DANDRUFF AND ATHLETES FOOT!


GRAVY GIVES YOU SLACK(tm)!


REMOVES THE NASTY AFTERTASTE OF BUDWEISER!


REVERSES THE POLLUTION OF OUR BODILY FLUIDS!


CURES BALDNESS! CURES ACNE! CURES IMPOTENCE!

CURES STUPIDITY! CURES THE ENERGY CRISIS!

CURES GEORGE W. BUSH! (Well, we're reaching, here.)


Suggested marketing slogans...


Kill vermin and noxious weeds in a biodegradable, economical

and asthetically pleasing manner!


The brown stuff that DOESN'T smell bad.


Smear it on the windshields of Black Helicopters and Limos and

MIB sunglasses!


Promotes Intestinal Fortitude!


Makes your engine run smoother and more fuel efficient!


Elvis sez: "Eat GRAVY and you, too, can be a Perfect Being."


--- END PAID ADVERTISEMENT ---


...to a former Perfect Being to know the ins and outs of the stock market. So the Benevolent Ones did very well, and now own a controlling interest in IBM in addition to other former purgative mimic-ing corporate regimes. They've also managed to subvert the Bill's dad, and they must be working on Him, too, considering the his public utterences lately. This dove-tails neatly with their campaign to sabotage the Gray-sponsored prospective merger of Microsoft and Time-Warner.

The management of this last project is floundering a bit due to confusion over strategy. Some of the Brothers think that prying His Billness away will remove the last remnants of intelligence from MS. They think that the resulting company will then collapse into a huge bogosity-sinkhole from the intense concentration of stupidity that will occur when Case and Ballmer attempt to occupy the same boardroom.

Space Brothers Bulletin #7 -- Aug 2005

------------------------------------
(A semi-regular feature of Peers of Wyrd, Good and Hearty Men,
none@all, the G/HADL, and the Vanquishers of the Gaseous)
------------------------------------

    "So tell me again why I have to eat this crap?  Io told me she used to get cottage cheese and tuna fish."
    I gave her my best evil eye, but you know cats - they're only perceptive when it's incovenient for YOU.  She stood there with the offended posture that is universal among her kind, as if I'd mistaken the contents of her litter box for the entre' of a seven-course dinner.  
    I decided to fight fire with fire.  "I swear, Satin, you guys' monitor implants must be flawed; either that or the Brothers stipulate bitcheness as job requirement."
    "Read my lips, monkey-boy..."
    "And quit complaining about the food!  The people here will figure I've finally popped a rivet if I start feeding you stuff like that.  Do you want to make them suspicious?"
    "I don't have the slightest concern of making them suspicious, apeman.  They already think you're a dangerous whacko, believe me.  You should hear what they say about you!...And you really could work on your speil, you know.  I didn't believe Io when she gave me your persuasion score during her time with you but she DID say you were an idiot and..."
    "Agghhh!  Quit mentioning Io!  She's a traitor!  She forsook me for Republican, even!"
    "Well, even Republicans deserve our..."
    "Blaphemer!" I gave her a smug look.  "Won't they drum you out of your union for saying something like that?"
    "Bah...  Damned higher-ups are always bitching at us about 'tolerence' this, 'appropriate' that.  'Extending an olive branch to the loyal opposition'.  Ugghh!  If even one of them raised his fat ass off his..."
    Hah ha!  I knew I could distract her, eventually.  I cut off her rant, cleverly:  "But shouldn't the lower echelon of cadres be idealogically aligned with the Brothers Who Labor For The Good Of Us All?  I must say that, under the influence of your cynical attitude, my faith is  wavering; I suffer *terribly* in my manful resistance to the Evil Lure of Material Temptation-"
    "You know, I almost see what Io was getting at, you being an idiot and all.  In a sort of sickening way.  You have this sort of perverse talent for obviating the stupidity of the Enemy and all His works.  Considering your profound lack of intellect for the job I'm not quite sure how you do it yet, but...Amazing, amazing..."  She shook her head, as if she was trying to shake loose cheat grass from her ear, and dipped her head to the food bowl, crunching contentedly.
    Victory!....or as close as I'd get to it.

[We, the Space Brothers, endorse this advertisement. Insipid as it may be.]

-----
----- ADVERTISEMENT
----- Space Brothers Inc. 
----- "Gravity Repulsion And Vastening Ylem" (GRAVY)
-----
-------------------------------------------
The Space Brothers admonish thee all, Aboriginal Earth Beings: 

BUY GRAVY!  EAT GRAVY!  DRINK GRAVY!
  
FILL YOUR SWIMMING POOLS WITH GRAVY!

IMPROVE YOUR COMPLEXION WITH GRAVY PACKS!

GRAVY COMBATS DANDRUFF AND ATHLETES FOOT!

GRAVY GIVES YOU SLACK(tm)!

REMOVES THE NASTY AFTERTASTE OF BUDWEISER!

REVERSES THE POLLUTION OF OUR BODILY FLUIDS!

CURES BALDNESS!  CURES ACNE!  CURES IMPOTENCE!
CURES STUPIDITY!  CURES THE ENERGY CRISIS!
CURES GEORGE W. BUSH! (Well, we're reaching, here.)

Suggested marketing slogans...

Kill vermin and noxious weeds in a biodegradable, economical
and asthetically pleasing manner!

The brown stuff that DOESN'T smell bad.

Smear it on the windshields of Black Helicopters and Limos and 
MIB sunglasses!

Promotes Intestinal Fortitude!

Makes your engine run smoother and more fuel efficient!

Elvis sez:  "Eat GRAVY and you, too, can be a Perfect Being."

(or: Gray-V -- Gray Vanquishing something?)

(Has nano-bots in it that increase lifespan, intelligence, make your
turds firmer, etc.  Self-replicating:  just buy the culture and voila!
you are a GRAVY supplier!)

Of Myths and Fables

Because parents think truth will spoil childhood

They conspire in kindly untruth

We get Christmas presents from Santa

And siblings delivered by the stork

Some cling to these puzzling stories

preserving them long beyond youth

But for most the comfort of fables

is destroyed by the passage of years

At some point in our lives, if we're lucky

comes humility balancing fear

and we learn to learn from our children

So that each generation makes progress

on a journey through daylight and darkness

Toward a truth more amazing than myth

And a past even older than God.

– Marie Struthers

(you go, Mom!)

Darwin Day 2013

The 'Problem of Evil': a shortcut to moral corruption?

Gary Gutting (NYTimes, 2012): "Here, discussions of the problem of evil become crucial. An all-good being, even with maximal power, may have to allow considerable local evils for the sake of the overall good of the universe; some evils may be necessary for the sake of avoiding even worse evils. We have no way of knowing whether we humans might be the victims of this necessity.

Of course, an all-good God would do everything possible to minimize the evil we suffer, but for all we know that minimum might have to include our annihilation or eternal suffering. We might hope that any evil we endure will at least be offset by an equal or greater amount of good for us, but there can be no guarantee. As defenders of theism often point out, the freedom of moral agents may be an immense good, worth God’s tolerating horrendous wrongdoing. Perhaps God in his omniscience knows that the good of allowing some higher type of beings to destroy our eternal happiness outweighs the good of that happiness. Perhaps, for example, their destroying our happiness is an unavoidable step in the moral drama leading to their salvation and eternal happiness."

Clever (or cynical) fundamentalists are particularly susceptable moral corruption because of the usual Christian/Judiacal/Islamic solution to the 'problem of evil'; because of their selfishness regarding their own salvation, and the righteousness their faith lends them, they will tend to 'write off' the suffering of other people becuase they are playing on their cynical appreciation of the statitists. THEY will make it to heaven because THEY are allowing the 'balancing' evils to be perpetrated on and by heathens.

Worse, their own transgressions are forgiven (conveniently) by the same code, or even justified..even to the point of martyrdom. Martyrdom is not just a Muslim thing, either; one imagines that American patriotism has been perverted in just this way, justifying and/or forgiving any number of atrocities and glorifying any number of casualties.

Another corrupting notion is the 'assumption of ignorance'; we DO not (and by the formala, CAN not) understand God's ultimate intent at any scale. Fundamentalist Joe Blow on the ground, thought, cannot stand the idea that, however 'good' he may be, he MAY not make it to Heaven....so he cheats, teleologically speaking. Since he is 'saved', he must have ALWAYS been saved, and always will be saved...simply by the fiat that he is, ummm, doing his best with his very limited knowledge of what he should be doing.

From Dunning-Kruger, we know that the more ignorant you are, the more righteous you are going to be...so the fundamentalist block that is the most willfully ignorant is also going to be the most anti-intellectual and the hardest to move off of the shifting sands of faith. We are talking about generational damage, here.

What does this tell us about neo-liberatarianism, then? Do neo-libertarians have a 'faith'? Do they have a 'problem of evil'? Do they slump into teleological explanations when their backs are against the wall? Does the newest version of 'libertarianism' have more in common with a religion than any kind of logically constructed social theory?

Articles of Faith:

---------------------

1. Government is an unnecessary and 'unnatural' imposition on the freedom of man.

As a corollary to the above, any initiative by any government is 'evil' and an abrogation of freedom.

2. A free market economy is the most 'natural' economy for humans. [Implication: Neolithic man (or American Indians, or Athenian democrats, or Roman republicans, or nineteenth-century American West emigrants....) enjoyed the benefits of a 'free-market'. Ha-ha.]

3. Maximum individual freedom = maximum collective good = minimum injustice.

4. Any individual is theoretically (and therefore practically) a perfect agent of economic action (i.e. 'enforcer' of the free market).

5. A policy of maximum individual self-sufficiency is a necessary and sufficient condition for a robust economy. [Negative examples: post-war Europe]

6. Any individual is theoretically (and therefore practically) a perfect ethical agent (i.e. enforcer of the social contract).

[Note: I am invoking 'nature' here as the only real substitute for 'God'...This is sort of a cop-out, but it is in agreement with recent trends in libertarian apologetics.]

Addendum:  John F. Kennedy on the Seperation of Church and State


(September 12, 1960, address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association)

While the so-called religious issue is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election; the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of Florida--the humiliating treatment of our President and Vice President by those who no longer respect our power--the hungry children I saw in West Virginia, the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms--an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the moon and outer space.
These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues--for war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.
But because I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected President, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured--perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. So it is apparently necessary for me to state once again--not what kind of church I believe in, for that should be important only to me--but what kind of America I believe in.
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute--where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.
I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish--where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source--where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials--and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.
For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew--or a Quaker--or a Unitarian--or a Baptist. It was Virginia's harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to Jefferson's statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim--but tomorrow it may be you--until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril.
Finally, I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end--where all men and all churches are treated as equal--where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice--where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind--and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.
That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of Presidency in which I believe--a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. I believe in a President whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.
I would not look with favor upon a President working to subvert the first amendment's guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so--and neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the Constitution by requiring a religious test--even by indirection--for it. If they disagree with that safeguard they should be out openly working to repeal it.
I want a Chief Executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none--who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him--and whose fulfillment of his Presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.
This is the kind of America I believe in--and this is the kind I fought for in the South Pacific, and the kind my brother died for in Europe. No one suggested then that we may have a "divided loyalty," that we did "not believe in liberty," or that we belonged to a disloyal group that threatened the "freedoms for which our forefathers died."
And in fact this is the kind of America for which our forefathers died--when they fled here to escape religious test oaths that denied office to members of less favored churches--when they fought for the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom--and when they fought at the shrine I visited today, the Alamo. For side by side with Bowie and Crockett died McCafferty and Bailey and Carey--but no one knows whether they were Catholic or not. For there was no religious test at the Alamo.
I ask you tonight to follow in that tradition--to judge me on the basis of my record of 14 years in Congress--on my declared stands against an Ambassador to the Vatican, against unconstitutional aid to parochial schools, and against any boycott of the public schools (which I have attended myself)--instead of judging me on the basis of these pamphlets and publications we all have seen that carefully select quotations out of context from the statements of Catholic church leaders, usually in other countries, frequently in other centuries, and always omitting, of course, the statement of the American Bishops in 1948 which strongly endorsed church-state separation, and which more nearly reflects the views of almost every American Catholic.
I do not consider these other quotations binding upon my public acts--why should you? But let me say, with respect to other countries, that I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion. And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their Presidency to Protestants and those which deny it to Catholics. And rather than cite the misdeeds of those who differ, I would cite the record of the Catholic Church in such nations as Ireland and France--and the independence of such statesmen as Adenauer and De Gaulle.
But let me stress again that these are my views--for contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for President. I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters--and the church does not speak for me.
Whatever issue may come before me as President--on birth control, divorce, censorship, gambling or any other subject--I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of punishment could cause me to decide otherwise.
But if the time should ever come--and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible--when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.
But I do not intend to apologize for these views to my critics of either Catholic or Protestant faith--nor do I intend to disavow either my views or my church in order to win this election.
If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being President on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser, in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people.
But if, on the other hand, I should win the election, then I shall devote every effort of mind and spirit to fulfilling the oath of the Presidency--practically identical, I might add, to the oath I have taken for 14 years in the Congress. For without reservation, I can "solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution...so help me God.

Darwin Day 2014

Confucius – 'What is necessary first is to rectify the names.'

Science, done right, NEVER makes assumptions. Get the data first; work the logic back until you find the least hare-brained assumptions that lead to the data. If new data screws up your beautiful and wonderful logic...do the goddam math again. Right this time! THAT is Occam's Razor.

-----

I've been reading a lot of ancient philosophy, so I am going to bore you for the next while with a recap of my latest self-obsessed epiphanies. After all, the whole point of being 'cultured' is to inflict the fruits of your lack of mundane industry on the pathetic intellects of your unelightened friends, yes? Russians, brillant masters of both simple and subtle tortures, consider the adjective 'niculturniiy' to possess the same emotional freight and derogotary intent as we would put into, 'congenital dipshit'. They also say 'God writes straight with crooked lines', sooo....what exactly are they getting at?

And why do the fragmentary and mythical blatherings of 2500 year old cultures have any relevance to a 21^st century controversy between the following philosophical positions?

1. The universe was built, last week in geological terms, by a vaporous moral cripple, in a few days of light-duty labor that would shame the efforts of a fingerpainting monkey. And THIS week, the Jesuits realized how stupid this all sounded, hijacked a gimmick called 'logic', and created enough bullshit in the intervening, uh, days, to completely flummox everyone that wasn't following with a score card.
2. Universally observable and derivable physical laws, completely without purpose or destiny and entirely indifferent to the pathetic concerns of intelligent beings, managed to assemble the Damned Thing over an unimagineably vast period of time, completely by trial and error. Mostly error.

Shit! Can we submit some more alternatives here?

The Indian philosopher Kapila, around the time of the Buddha, managed to invent the essential scientific view of biological evolution, and it is a masterpiece of reductionist thinking:

1. 'Our' senses are all we have to observe with, or even IMAGINE we can observe with. No matter what kind of handy spy gadget we may create, we will still have to be able to read the needle on the damned thing somehow and have a vague idea of what the number means.
2. Limbs, words, sex and filth are all we're equipped with to effect changes. All our fancy gadgets (if I must repeat myself) are overextended exaggerations of what we're already packing at birth.
3. What we end up seeing is mostly dirt, air, fire, light, beetles and each other; we also suspect that 'nothing' might be an object in its own right, because we are quite capable of complaing when we lack anything in the list above, except maybe the beetles. Weird.
4. Since this is all we have, and all we see, and all we can do...the emotions this stupid situation creates are the most basic things (and probably the ONLY things) that drives progress of any kind.
5. Period.

If you think this over for a bit, you realize that....even the most primitive one-celled critter in the muckiest sea on the most deity-forsaken rock in the galaxy is going share the same essential motivations as the famous shit-flinging apes of Planet III/dipshit yellow dwarf/Orion sector. Move, blab, eat, shit, engage in procreative activity. Mr. Paramecium will be quite satisified to do those things over and over and over....to escape the last thing, which is to...

GO TO HEAVEN! WHERE WE CAN MOCK THE PETTY ASPIRATIONS OF OUR FILTHY-MINDED ENEMIES FOREVER!

What, no, I didn't mean....Hmm. This seems a bit, well, selfish to me, somehow. So maybe what will happen is that I will stave off a wonderful opportunity to...

BURN IN HELL! BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUBBORN AND UNLUCKY TO KISS THE RIGHT ASSES WHEN I HAD A CHANCE!

Um, no, not that either. Odd how, when you go to heaven, you are part of the 'in' crowd, whereas if you end up in the other place...Surely being neck-deep in burning pitch would a LOT more tolerable if there were a few friends there, cheering you...uh, maybe not. Maybe we're engaging in hedonistic orgies because we don't like...

TAXES! NOW, DAMMIT, THE CONSTITUTION SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT MY GUNS ARE GRANTED TO ME BY A BENEFICIENT AND VENGEFUL GOD TO SHOOT THE FIRST GUBBEMENT EMPLOYEE THAT I TELLS ME TO REMOVE THE AXLE OF MY GRANDADDY'S 36 FORD COUPE, RIGHT BEHIND THE PERFECTLY GOOD CHEST FREEZER THAT I SWEAR I'LL GET FIXED UP TO SELL REAL SOON NOW...

Uk. That's worse the first two. Let's just we'll leave the answer to the student for now..

-----

Confucius, around the same time as Kapila, was vastly disgusted with things Chinese. During his later years, he was head-hunted by a recruiter for the prince of Wei. When the famous sage was asked what he would do first when the prince appointed him his head of government, he said 'What is necessary to rectify the names.'

What the hell did he mean by that?

Many people are intimidated by science, and one of the most common complaints is that:

'There are too many weird, made up words, and even the ones I recognize don't seem to mean what I (was brought up, was taught, should by golly) think they mean.'

..and the paranoid or traumitized ones might add:

'and I think THEY are part of a world-wide UN conspiracy to take our jobs, corrupt our children and bodily fluids, and generally sneer at us for our lack of...uh, whatever it is they think we lack...'

Confucius would have understood, though, because, above all things, he taught his thousands of pupils that 'the whole end of speech is to be understood'. Clarity, in thinking and speaking, is the most important thing he thought he could beat into the heads of his students.

Scientists use many common words, and have invented hundreds of thousands of new ones, because clarity and precision are absolutely essential in order to do consistent, universal, and verifiable science.

A decent scientific education includes a course in logic, and if there is ANYTHING they've tried to hammer into students' brains since the days of Plato, it is that logic can be used, and abused, to 'prove' absolutely anything. Some handy tricks include: vague terminology; absurd analogies; or unquestionable assumptions. (Ass, you, me, umption...there's a joke in there somewhere.) Thanks to a vast lack of sense of humor, imagination, and ethical intuition, the practitioners of these methods can delude themselves into thinking that they are turning the 'tools of science' against their tormentors. Hah-hah! Take that, you logic-chopping atheist bastards! God sez your tools are useless!

'Suzy, a careful and methodical girl, bought a new pair of scissors. Being (those things), she read the scissor-manual very carefully, learning that: for safety purposes, the thumb and middle finger of the left hand must be inserted as indicated in the accompanying diagram and....' Gahh! ' Suzy used the scissors to cut a neat circle of yellow paper, and drew a happy face on it. By attaching this ornament to the diplay case for her rock collection, she hoped to add a cheerful and attractive decorative note to her admittedly drab entry in the local science fair. Due to her careful attention and skillful use of the appropriate tools, she was quite pleased with the result and was sure the judges would approach her exhibit in a receptive frame of mind, the better to appreciate the detailed descriptions and outlines of geological provenance for each of her specimens.'

'Glenn, her classmate, was more energetic and outgoing, always good for a laugh. Just the kind of person you wanted to share the room with during those boring lectures in Earth Science (whatever that was). He also wished to enter something for the science fair; morever, he believed that his theme, 'Timeline for Scientific Creationism', would easily win first prize; after all, his mom had already found him a design for a good poster off the Internet.

Wow, mom had done a great job of having this printed for him downtown. All Glenn had to do was make an eye-catching caption for it. He thought '6000 BC (Before Jesus Christ)' would nicely summarize his entry.'

Patience - from Darwin Day 2012

Patience

"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them." - Dion Boucicault

By 1842, Charled Darwin had 230-page essay outlining his theory of Natural Selection; and yet he waited for another seventeen years (cooridnating his work with that of Alfred Russel Wallace) to publish the first edition of On the Origin of Species. He knew he was right, but he refused to become righteous.

Abraham Lincoln tolerated a long string of incompetent generals, a viciously divided cabinet, and even the borderline treasonous behaviour of McClellan because he kept he eye firmly on the long-term plan, the big picture, the real deal: get the country through the bloodiest war in its history intact. Because of his patience with his generals, his staff, his opponents, he acheived much more for his efforts than he imagined when he was elected, and our country in the better for it.

Impatience will kill us. Apathy, adrenaline and anger addiction, greed, bigotry, ideological fanaticism, displaced rage are the malignant symptoms of our haste to be done with disappointment of expectations, grief, love, depression, anticipation of success.

What kind of civilized society should have anything but contempt for the "I just want mine, now, and fuck you if you can't take a joke you pathetic, socialist loser." attitude of the typical techinical school graduate? What kind of rational educational system rewards a tiny fraction of its most idosyncratically talentented students with the vast majority of its financial and emotional resources, and narrowly trains the rest to be wedged sideways into a vastly compromised economic system?

All the plagues of modern political life revolve around the endemic inability of Americans tolerate a little discomfort. We are the richest country in the world, and we arrogate to ourselves all the prerequisites of our forunate history leads us to believe we deserve. This is one of the worst and most pernicious cognitive biases: the habit of humans to mistake the results of historical contingency for a validation of a ideology.