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(A semi-regular feature of Peers of Wyrd, Good and Hearty Men,
none@all, the G/HADL, and the Vanquishers of the Gaseous)
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"So tell me again why I have to eat this crap? Io told me she used to get cottage cheese and tuna fish."
I gave her my best evil eye, but you know cats - they're only perceptive when it's incovenient for YOU. She stood there with the offended posture that is universal among her kind, as if I'd mistaken the contents of her litter box for the entre' of a seven-course dinner.
I decided to fight fire with fire. "I swear, Satin, you guys' monitor implants must be flawed; either that or the Brothers stipulate bitcheness as job requirement."
"Read my lips, monkey-boy..."
"And quit complaining about the food! The people here will figure I've finally popped a rivet if I start feeding you stuff like that. Do you want to make them suspicious?"
"I don't have the slightest concern of making them suspicious, apeman. They already think you're a dangerous whacko, believe me. You should hear what they say about you!...And you really could work on your speil, you know. I didn't believe Io when she gave me your persuasion score during her time with you but she DID say you were an idiot and..."
"Agghhh! Quit mentioning Io! She's a traitor! She forsook me for Republican, even!"
"Well, even Republicans deserve our..."
"Blaphemer!" I gave her a smug look. "Won't they drum you out of your union for saying something like that?"
"Bah... Damned higher-ups are always bitching at us about 'tolerence' this, 'appropriate' that. 'Extending an olive branch to the loyal opposition'. Ugghh! If even one of them raised his fat ass off his..."
Hah ha! I knew I could distract her, eventually. I cut off her rant, cleverly: "But shouldn't the lower echelon of cadres be idealogically aligned with the Brothers Who Labor For The Good Of Us All? I must say that, under the influence of your cynical attitude, my faith is wavering; I suffer *terribly* in my manful resistance to the Evil Lure of Material Temptation-"
"You know, I almost see what Io was getting at, you being an idiot and all. In a sort of sickening way. You have this sort of perverse talent for obviating the stupidity of the Enemy and all His works. Considering your profound lack of intellect for the job I'm not quite sure how you do it yet, but...Amazing, amazing..." She shook her head, as if she was trying to shake loose cheat grass from her ear, and dipped her head to the food bowl, crunching contentedly.
Victory!....or as close as I'd get to it.
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